Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
