Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
