New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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