Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
