she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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