Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
