dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
