walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
