We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
