I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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