my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
