im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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