you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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