Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My feet surprised me
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