just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
