I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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