that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
