It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
