I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Still dying that you shit outside
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
