we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
