I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to calm my uterus...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
