i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
