Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
