his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
