We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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