he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
