quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
