In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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