He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
