Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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