guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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