this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
BRING THE BAGELS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
