question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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