I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We just shotgunned beers for America
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
