my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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