i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
