Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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