I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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