I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
