I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
