I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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