You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
