Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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