Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize