I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hippo gnu deer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
