Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize