Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
