I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize