bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
