Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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