but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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