She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
