yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what day is it and did you see me today?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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