How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
