i think my tv is drunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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