I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
