I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
