I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of course I have a pirate flag
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
