Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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