Duck Duck Cougar?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
