So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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