Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
