So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
