Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
