So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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