this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
