he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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