why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
