As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
