what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
