one two three fourrrrnication!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize