I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
