Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
