I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
